Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
