So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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