last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
