You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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