Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
