So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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