Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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