I puked a lego.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
