i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
