I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
