somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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