yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
