apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
