he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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