wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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