i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
