God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
