we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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