TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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