oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
