we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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