That's intense
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
