Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
