it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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