I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
