just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
