I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
