Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
