Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
