Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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