oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
