hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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