so explain again why im purple
no
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
