I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
