I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
