words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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