Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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