At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
