Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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