Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize