boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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