I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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