Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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