Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
