Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
