"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
