You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
