The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
