he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
