I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
