so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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