I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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