Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize