Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
