id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
