Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
