I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
