U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
