Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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