also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
