I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
