I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
