careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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