**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
