The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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