The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
