your thong is hanging out like whoa
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
