do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
