So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
