Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
