When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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