your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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