doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
