I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
