Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
